Rules for being around the Avengers
by LostHawk
Summary: Fury and Coulson were fed up with how the Avengers were acting and how people onboard the Hellicarrier were only making it worse. So they created, 'The Rules for being around the Avengers'
1. The first 10 rules

**A/N – Hi Guys! So I decided to start a new fic! I am going to probably start another 1 or 2 fics too so keep an eye out for them. I decided to this one fic simply because, it seemed fun to do: P**

**Without further ado, I present to you THE RULES FOR BEING AROUND THE AVENGERS.**

Nick fury was, for lack of a better description, furious. So far in this one month they had managed to loose him several agents, caused several fights, been part of several fights, destroyed half of the hellicarrier, and well, the list goes on. So since he didn't want to do this by himself he called in his left hand man. He pressed the button on the side of his communicator that would connect him to the person he was seeking.

"Coulson. Get over here to my office now. Its time, things have gotten way too far out of hand."

"Be there in a minute, sir."

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Rule 1 – Do not under any circumstances put clown toys in Clint's quarters, mainly you TONY! He does not find it funny, nor shall anyone else. He will get very angry, and an angry master marksman is not good for anyone. He will find who did it. And he will hurt you. You have been warned.

Rule 2 – Tony does not like having water thrown at his face. Only Pepper or Rodey may throw water at him without his permission. He does not find it funny and brings back memories of Afghanistan for him.

Rule 3 – If you value your sanity, do not put Barbie's near Natasha. She does not like them, and does not find the singing one funny at all. She is a highly trained assassin and can torture you in more than 30 different ways.

Rule 4 – Do not throw Ice cubes or anything cold at Steve. He is not a 'king of the ice' for surviving 70 years frozen in the ice, and throwing ice or other cold substances at him is not a form of worshipping him.

Rule 5 – If you are a junior agent, and have the joys of being trained by Agents Barton and Romanoff, do not under any circumstances, ask them about their ' relationship' they are not in any form of relationship, doing so may cause them to do a torture demonstration on you.

Rule 6 – Paint ball matches across the hellicarrier are banned. No Avengers VS any of the Ops team. Or anything like that.

Rule 7 – the song 'you are a pirate' is here forth banned from ever being played, sung, hummed, or any way made audible for others to hear. Tony and Clint, it is not funny. You may become 'pirates' yourself if you don't stop getting the junior agents to hum that song or sing it.

Rule 8 – Do not try lifting Thor's hammer. You are not worthy of holding it as you are not the god of thunder. There are not to ever again be 'who is worthy' party's where you try to lift the hammer. Why would you even think you could lift it?

Rule 9 – Provoking Bruce is just stupid. Who ever thought that throw mash potato at him in the cafeteria was wise? You're just stupid. The repairs are coming out of your pay check, and if any one provokes him again into hulking out, then the same thing will happen to you.

Rule 10 – Organising 'S.H.I.E.L.D. Sleep overs' is banned. Inviting the Avengers is just your death wish. Tony is not a night light, Clint and Natasha will not kiss in the closet or play that game, Steve feels really awkward, Thor has no idea what he should be doing, and Bruce gets agitated.

**A/N – so there is the first 10 rules of being around the avengers. I may write small one shot's about each rule. What do you guys think? Please review, more reviews = more updates **


	2. Rule 1

**A/N – Hey guys , so here is Chapter 2 of 'Rules of the avengers' also later on tonight im updating 'Avengers texts' and I might start a more serious story soon **** I'll probably end up doing another jokey one. And sorry it took me so long to update I just didn't have any feel to write.**

**So without further ado , explanation to some rules. **

Rule 1 - Do not under any circumstances put clown toys in Clint's quarters.

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It was early Friday Morning when it happened. Early meaning 4:54am. Due to Clint's job, his sleeping pattern wasn't really that sorted out. Was more of a case of just go to sleep and wake up whenever.

Anyway onto the story. On that Friday at that ungodly hour, it happened. When Clint woke up it was staring right at him. 'It' being….. A Clown. It's safe to say that Clint let out an 'Oh so manly' Squeal. He would deny making that noise to anyone who asked. Yet, Tony had the video evidence to prove it and to use as blackmail.

But no. Since Tony was the one behind this prank, why would there only be one clown toy in Clint's bed staring at him when he woke up?

So to escape the downright creepy clown toy that he got the joy of waking up with, Clint hastily jumped out of bed and headed to the shower. Only to find that once he was in the shower not only was there a Clown in bed but also one in the shower head, on the toilet, on the cabinet top, in the sink and also one on the towel rack. It's safe to say, Clint skipped his Shower that morning.

After exiting the Creepy Clowny Bathroom Clint made his way (rather quickly might I add) into his room again to put some clothes on. Of course, there had to be some clowns in the dresser too. Yanking his clothes he wanted to wear out of the draw and tossing them on quickly, he exited his room in Stark Tower in search of a certain 'Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist'. After a quick glance at his watch he realised what time it was. After an unsuccessful attempt at checking the labs, to which he wasn't allowed in the labs even though tony wasn't even in there, he tried Tony's room.

Just as Clint reached outside Tony's door he quickly turned around and ran back to his room to retrieve something. After a quick detour from his room to the kitchen to retrieve some Honey, Liquid Soap, Water, and of course ketchup. Clint returned to outside Tony's room with a water gun filled with all of the things he gathered in the kitchen. Deciding that attacking from above would be a far more entertaining and better plan he quickly removed the air duct cover and climbed up.

It only took him a matter of seconds to be in line of fire with Tony's face. If Clint didn't have such good aim then Pepper would most likely murder him if she got wet. Well, she would probably murder him for this any way but at 5:17 in the morning, Clint couldn't bring himself to care.

Checking his aim was right and true, Clint pulled the trigger on the water gun, expertly covering Tony's face in that oh so lovely substance he created earlier.

Tony woke with a very satisfying "EURGH!".

"WHO! WHO DID THIS!" Tony screeched

Clint could no longer contain himself and ended up bursting out laughing in the air duct which on succeeded in making his laughter even louder.

"CLINT!" Both Tony and Pepper, who was awakened by Tony's earlier screech, shouted.

Since that day, no one has put Clown Toys anywhere near where Clint is, in fear of what they may get covered in. Or worse, what other revenge the archer assassin can come up with.

**A/N – So yep. That is rule 1. I was going to go on longer but decided that it was long enough already. Rule 2 up soon **


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